tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64787306078712414582024-03-13T21:17:41.110-07:00Rosie ReflectionsRosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10294844826193417169noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6478730607871241458.post-48665272791926123412019-03-26T02:18:00.000-07:002019-03-26T02:22:22.914-07:00Trichotillomania and me.<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Those who know me well will know that I’ve suffered from trich for a long, long time. For those that don’t know me so well, I thought I’d share my story in the hope that it raises a little awareness, compassion and understanding; not just for me but for others who might be living with this condition too. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Where do I start? Trichotillomania is sometimes classified as an ‘impulse control disorder’ but more recently I’ve heard it described as ‘body-focused repetitive behaviour’ which I think is a great and simple way of putting it. For me, it started in my ‘tween’ years which, as most of you will know, were a super sad time for my family, and me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">But hang on a minute. Let’s get one thing straight - I don’t ‘blame’ my Mum’s illness - colon cancer - or her death for me developing trich. Nope. No way. I would say I’ve always been a thinker, a worrier; it was kind of inevitable for me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><b><i>What is it?</i></b> In a nutshell I pull my hair out. One by one. Only with my left hand. Only on the top of my scalp and also a sadly increasing patch behind my left ear. </span><span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "sf ui text"; font-size: 17pt;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><b><i>Why?</i></b> I’ve thought about this for a while and my best possible explanation for you is that the ‘pain’ I experience from each hair I pull - because pulling your hair out on purpose really DOES hurt - distracts my stupid brain from worrying or stressing out. Even just for a minute. A moment of escape from the tireless chatter of my inner self, if you will. And to be honest it’s just become a habit now - like nail-biting - and I’ve done it for so long I can’t really find a way to magically stop. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><b><i>When do I do it?</i></b> When I’m not busy, when I’m on my own, when I’m stuck in traffic, when I’m particularly stressed. Oh yes, particularly when I’m stressed. Why am I stressed? I’m sure for the same reasons as most people - work, money, raising children, being a good wife, daughter, sister, niece, friend etc. I’m not special. I’m not doing this for sympathy. My worries just manifest in a different way to most people’s!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><b><i>What have I done to ‘treat’ it?</i></b> So many things: I’ve seen a psychologist, I’ve worn wigs, I’ve shaved my head, I’ve had expensive mesh and extension systems, I’ve had acrylic nails put on... In fact about the only thing I haven’t tried is medication but that’s not something I’ve felt is necessary. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><b><i>Does any of it work?</i></b> NO. I’ve been doing this for almost 30 years now. I’ve come to accept that it’s just part of who I am. Yes it sucks. Yes I’d love to have a full head of beautiful hair. But I will not and do not let this stupid condition impact on my life *too* much. It certainly doesn’t impact on any of my areas of responsibility - I’m still a loving Wife, a devoted Mum, a conscientious employee and hopefully a good friend and family member to those who care about me. Of course I’m self conscious of what people think, type and say, not </span><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">always quietly, about my bald patches (which at times are hard to hide) but only momentarily - I am not my hair - I’m so much more than that - if someone can’t look past my “freaky” hair thing and get to know the real me then frankly they’re not worth my time worrying about. I do a lot of that already!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I confided in a close friend about it a little while ago and she summarised it beautifully - I have my own in-built ‘stressometer’ - you can tell how stressed I am by the size of the bald patch behind my left ear. I’m not doing so well at the moment but it WILL get better at some point. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">So what am I going to do about it? Today I put my ‘big girl pants’ on and went to the hairdresser. I haven’t been since some time in 2016. Funnily enough you develop a bit of an aversion to visiting the hairdresser when a large part of your head is bald! I’m really hoping that ‘nice’ hair will make me somehow feel guilty about pulling it and therefore I will make a concerted effort to pull less. We’ll see. My hairdresser set me a goal to at least try and ease up on the patch behind my ear as that is near impossible to cover, even with her considerable skills! I promised I will try and I will be back to see her in 6 weeks so I am going to hold myself accountable and hopefully make her proud next time I’m there. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Anyway, I’m rambling now so will wrap things up. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">There are SO many worse things than a bald head and please be assured I will always keep on keeping on and I am so lucky that I have a wonderful husband who loves me despite my imperfections, and gently removes my hand when he sees it reaching for my hair and tells me firmly “stop pulling”. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Trich sucks but life goes on! Thanks for reading xoxo </span></div>
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Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10294844826193417169noreply@blogger.com2